Time and tide wait for no mother


I’ve never been too bothered about things like Mother’s Day.  The idea that you have to get together on a particular day to show your appreciation for your mum is as alien to me as the idea that your partner has to be romantic on Valentine’s Day simply because the likes of Hallmark want to sell more cards.  I want to be loved and appreciated EVERY day!!!!


Nevertheless I was quite pleased when my 18 year old son had the courtesy to ask if I minded if he was away last weekend. The fact that he bothered to check with me, and would have stayed home if it was important to me, was, well, important to me.  I’d say that was the best gift he’d ever given me, but the gift he came home with on Sunday night was even better!!!!


What did bother me was the fact that mothers day this year coincided with the clocks going forward.  Mothers work hard.  They deserve their day off.  A whole 24 hours!  They should not be short changed by 60 minutes!


They should also be able to spend Mother’s Day with their kids and fathers should get to spend Father’s Day with their kids.  Just because it’s not a big deal for me doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate how important it is for others and how easy it is to overlook these things when you are trying to agree access terms with your ex. 


When looking to agree a timetable, don’t only focus on the general split of time.  Make sure you consider the days that are special to you.  This might not just be about your kids birthdays but also yours and those of your family too, as well as Father’s and Mother’s Day. It’s much easier to deal with these things in one go, than peace-meal after the event. 


If you’ve already agreed terms, and didn’t think to provide for things like “special days” it may not be too late.  If you didn’t think of it, then your other half probably didn’t think of it either in which case a trade might be possible.  Such as you guarantee they can always have the kids on one special day if they give you a guaranteed special day in return.


If things are so fractious that you can’t reach an agreement, don’t lose heart.  If your kids are still young you can make a game of picking another day to be “special”.  You can be like royalty having two birthdays.  One you celebrate with everyone else and one you celebrate with the kids.  If the kids are older, they’ll start to be able to make up their own minds and it may not be long before your ex has no say in the matter.  Of course that might mean your kids don’t want to hang out with either of you, but I can’t do much about that.


If all else fails you can try a court application but if your only request is a few special days and on the whole you are getting a reasonable amount of quality time with the kids, this may be a little excessive. It can also do more harm than good in terms of creating bad feeling with your ex.  I know you may say they started it by not agreeing to your request, but I still think it’s better to pick your battles.


If you do have a battle on your hands, in coping with an hour less sleep or coping without your kids (whether on special days or all the time) come to our drop in clinic on Thursday afternoons where our team of legal experts will be happy to make you a strong coffee and give you some good advice.


Kleyman and Co Solicitors.  The full service law firm.  23 and 24/7.